So here we are

So the blog took a back seat. Here I am over a year on having just accidentally come across my own blog on google. It's very strange reading back now, which I suppose is the purpose of a blog. I've been thinking about blogs a bit. For a start I can't feel ok about it. Why am I writing in this manner, as if someone is reading this stuff? It would be silly to presume that anyone is reading all this, why should any take an interest?... But still I write...

So the answer is that I HOPE someone is reading this. I'm not even sure why but there's something about the concept that someone may get something out of the meandering thoughts and events of my own life that feels hopeful.

The rest of the journey went ok overall. That is to say that it was the hardest and most sad time of my entire life, and that was nothing to do with the ironically named 'challenges' we faced as part of the production of what came to be known as 'Tough Guy or Chicken' : What a name that was. I was the Chicken.

The positives are that we had some really funny times and I got to meet some amazing people. It comes down to that one line but that means a lot.

I can't help but be a bit depressed looking back at this thing now. It was an attempt at offloading some of the horrible feelings I had while I was away by focussing on writing about things like Parkour. Parkour is great in loads of situations for getting you through things.

If you're easily depressed then this is your stop!

Sometimes I feel like i died when I was away and that the rest of my life that i'm living now is like some sort of dream-continuation of what I knew. Sometimes I feel like someone close to me died while I was away and this is worse. I suppose that is all that life is - you have something, or experience something, then you go away and when you come back it's still there. Repetition is what we live for.

When someone dies you have something then you don't. What's worse is if you never really believed you wouldn't have them. I've heard lots of people say that love is something illogical and so many things about love cannot be explained.

I guess it's that feeling that when someone dies, even if you accept that you won't ever have them back forever, you still want to have just one more moment with them to say goodbye - a chance to say anything or do anything or experience anything with that person knowing it will be the last time you will be together. So many times when you are without someone you never know you are going to be without them until they are gone - this goes for love and death. So what i'm saying is there are two times in my life when I would have wanted to say goodbye.

If you should ever leave me, though life would still go on believe me. The world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me? God only knows what I'd be without you.