So the blog took a back seat. Here I am over a year on having just accidentally come across my own blog on google. It's very strange reading back now, which I suppose is the purpose of a blog. I've been thinking about blogs a bit. For a start I can't feel ok about it. Why am I writing in this manner, as if someone is reading this stuff? It would be silly to presume that anyone is reading all this, why should any take an interest?... But still I write...
So the answer is that I HOPE someone is reading this. I'm not even sure why but there's something about the concept that someone may get something out of the meandering thoughts and events of my own life that feels hopeful.
The rest of the journey went ok overall. That is to say that it was the hardest and most sad time of my entire life, and that was nothing to do with the ironically named 'challenges' we faced as part of the production of what came to be known as 'Tough Guy or Chicken' : What a name that was. I was the Chicken.
The positives are that we had some really funny times and I got to meet some amazing people. It comes down to that one line but that means a lot.
I can't help but be a bit depressed looking back at this thing now. It was an attempt at offloading some of the horrible feelings I had while I was away by focussing on writing about things like Parkour. Parkour is great in loads of situations for getting you through things.
If you're easily depressed then this is your stop!
Sometimes I feel like i died when I was away and that the rest of my life that i'm living now is like some sort of dream-continuation of what I knew. Sometimes I feel like someone close to me died while I was away and this is worse. I suppose that is all that life is - you have something, or experience something, then you go away and when you come back it's still there. Repetition is what we live for.
When someone dies you have something then you don't. What's worse is if you never really believed you wouldn't have them. I've heard lots of people say that love is something illogical and so many things about love cannot be explained.
I guess it's that feeling that when someone dies, even if you accept that you won't ever have them back forever, you still want to have just one more moment with them to say goodbye - a chance to say anything or do anything or experience anything with that person knowing it will be the last time you will be together. So many times when you are without someone you never know you are going to be without them until they are gone - this goes for love and death. So what i'm saying is there are two times in my life when I would have wanted to say goodbye.
If you should ever leave me, though life would still go on believe me. The world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me? God only knows what I'd be without you.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
From Brazil.
It's a wet evening in Brazil. I'm sitting in a small internet cafe under a Walmart. I'm at the end of a row of computers but there is a crowd next to me conferring in Portuguese about something on the screen. I have no idea what the interest is about.
So I've been feeling pretty down. Mexico is now in the past and it was a pretty difficult week. I was dropped pretty early from our activities and so set about trying to enjoy what I spent the rest of the week doing. And actually I did. Although I'm finding it more and more dificult to get on with the other guys I'm with. There is a lot of pressure to be competitive too, which is something I have never really been.
I'm missing home more than ever. I reconmended to a friend yesterday during an email conversation that if or when he decides to gain his independence and go travelling to do it in small chunks bit by bit, rather than doing four months away having only been away for a maximum of two weeks before... do'h. Everybody is telling me how lucky I am to be doing this and actually I can see that if I was with my normal group of friends I would be having the absolute time of my life, but as it is I have never felt more alone. I'm using every free hour I get to come to this internet cafe and contact people by email. At the moment it's the only thing keeping me going.
So my current location is Brazil. Tomorrow morning we fly to our final shoot location for this, our fourth 'challenge'. No idea what we will be doing but I really hope I can just get into it and keep my mind busy for a week. After this one is complete we will officially be half way through. Knowing the amount of time left is less than has already passed will be a really good feeling.
I keep thinking about what other people would do in my situation. In particular Pat and Cliff, two people who I have known all my life, inspire me and have taught me a huge amount of what I know. I think I'm having to learn what they know first hand.
Until a week or so that's it. Wish me luck.
So I've been feeling pretty down. Mexico is now in the past and it was a pretty difficult week. I was dropped pretty early from our activities and so set about trying to enjoy what I spent the rest of the week doing. And actually I did. Although I'm finding it more and more dificult to get on with the other guys I'm with. There is a lot of pressure to be competitive too, which is something I have never really been.
I'm missing home more than ever. I reconmended to a friend yesterday during an email conversation that if or when he decides to gain his independence and go travelling to do it in small chunks bit by bit, rather than doing four months away having only been away for a maximum of two weeks before... do'h. Everybody is telling me how lucky I am to be doing this and actually I can see that if I was with my normal group of friends I would be having the absolute time of my life, but as it is I have never felt more alone. I'm using every free hour I get to come to this internet cafe and contact people by email. At the moment it's the only thing keeping me going.
So my current location is Brazil. Tomorrow morning we fly to our final shoot location for this, our fourth 'challenge'. No idea what we will be doing but I really hope I can just get into it and keep my mind busy for a week. After this one is complete we will officially be half way through. Knowing the amount of time left is less than has already passed will be a really good feeling.
I keep thinking about what other people would do in my situation. In particular Pat and Cliff, two people who I have known all my life, inspire me and have taught me a huge amount of what I know. I think I'm having to learn what they know first hand.
Until a week or so that's it. Wish me luck.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Big Update
Wow ok so it's been a while! I have not been near a computer for a couple of weeks now for long enough to write an update so this will count for a lot of stuff.
Let's see... My last few days in Madrid were good ones. A day or two after my last post I managed to meet up with the entire Madrid Parkour community to train. There is such a good scene here - about thirty traceurs attended the session of all abilities, including some who had been training for around eight years, which is brilliant especially in terms of teaching the new guys. So I spent most of the day with them keeping it fairly subdued actually because I didn't want to risk any sort of injury that would mean I had to stop. Great day.
I met up with a smaller group again one evening before leaving Madrid and did some filming of them on my diary camera. Again had a really good session.
Other than parkour I spent the last few days speaking with someone who has inspired me greatly, especially with my ongoing script writing. It was brilliant to try out the story so far on somebody who has never heard it before. It's strange but I feel like I've always known this person even though we only met four days before we left.
So that concludes my time in Madrid, about two weeks in total, after which I felt just about ready to move on again.
We left our hostel at around 6am to head for the airport. From the airport we caught a flight to Moscow. From Moscow we had one connecting flight, the second taking us to deep Siberia.
Siberia is cold.
Upon arrival we began our second challenge for the BBC production. As ever i'm not going to go into lots of detail but essentially once the challenge was over for all of us we returned to the small town and stayed with a fantastic lady who fed us well in a warm house. I loved the community in this town. It was as if the fact that they were so disconnected had stopped them dwelling on any problems. They seemed to just make the most of things.
I've decided I don't like the phrase 'make the most of' for two reasons. Firstly it suggests that you don't normally make the most of something and secondly, and more importantly, I've found that it makes me worry too much that i might not be 'making the most' of a given situation. It seems to make me feel like I have no time in my life, which is something I hate. Therefore I have decided to make exactly what I make of any further situation, and nothing more or less.
Anyway I can't really tell you much more about Siberia due to the fact that it would spoil the production somewhat so I will move on.
We stayed in Siberia for around two weeks at which point our epic 48hours of travelling began. So here we go...
We left our small Siberian town at around 6pm and got our first connecting flight to Yakutsk on a small two-propeller aeroplane, which had a few dents but was basically ok. Arriving at about 1am we stayed in a hotel overnight and I got a bit ill from drinking a glass of milk - I didn't know that milk in Russia is generally not pasteurised. Anyway at around four in the morning we left the hotel and returned to the airport to get the second flight back to Moscow. We hung about in Moscow airport for a good few hours before getting our third flight back to Heathrow, London. This was VERY strange. I had pretty much geared myself up for returning to London only at the end of the four months, so seeing the Thames as we flew in at about 11pm felt like a dream. Stayed in another hotel near Heathrow and got up again at around 4am, back to the airport and caught a flight to Housten (America) that took around nine hours. This was actually the best bit of the journey because we had in-flight entertainment! Wheyy! So from Housten we ran through passport control and security and missed our second flight out to Mexico. Luckily there was another flight one and a half hours later that we did manage to get, having filled our spare time with eating pizza. This flight was about three hours long and dropped us in Mexico, which is my current location. I am writing this from the hotel we are staying in now for two nights before travelling out to the shoot location for the third challenge.
So that's basically the update.
Thoughts wise I've been pretty down the last couple of weeks for a number of reasons, mostly that someone who's support I valued massively is unable to speak to me now. Even though I have been with the other guys and crew I have not felt this alone in ages. I've basically just been wanting to come home - another reason stopping off in London was really difficult. However, there is literally nothing I can do about this from Siberia, Mexico or anywhere else so I'm just having to deal with it.
Hopefully things will feel better soon.
Let's see... My last few days in Madrid were good ones. A day or two after my last post I managed to meet up with the entire Madrid Parkour community to train. There is such a good scene here - about thirty traceurs attended the session of all abilities, including some who had been training for around eight years, which is brilliant especially in terms of teaching the new guys. So I spent most of the day with them keeping it fairly subdued actually because I didn't want to risk any sort of injury that would mean I had to stop. Great day.
I met up with a smaller group again one evening before leaving Madrid and did some filming of them on my diary camera. Again had a really good session.
Other than parkour I spent the last few days speaking with someone who has inspired me greatly, especially with my ongoing script writing. It was brilliant to try out the story so far on somebody who has never heard it before. It's strange but I feel like I've always known this person even though we only met four days before we left.
So that concludes my time in Madrid, about two weeks in total, after which I felt just about ready to move on again.
We left our hostel at around 6am to head for the airport. From the airport we caught a flight to Moscow. From Moscow we had one connecting flight, the second taking us to deep Siberia.
Siberia is cold.
Upon arrival we began our second challenge for the BBC production. As ever i'm not going to go into lots of detail but essentially once the challenge was over for all of us we returned to the small town and stayed with a fantastic lady who fed us well in a warm house. I loved the community in this town. It was as if the fact that they were so disconnected had stopped them dwelling on any problems. They seemed to just make the most of things.
I've decided I don't like the phrase 'make the most of' for two reasons. Firstly it suggests that you don't normally make the most of something and secondly, and more importantly, I've found that it makes me worry too much that i might not be 'making the most' of a given situation. It seems to make me feel like I have no time in my life, which is something I hate. Therefore I have decided to make exactly what I make of any further situation, and nothing more or less.
Anyway I can't really tell you much more about Siberia due to the fact that it would spoil the production somewhat so I will move on.
We stayed in Siberia for around two weeks at which point our epic 48hours of travelling began. So here we go...
We left our small Siberian town at around 6pm and got our first connecting flight to Yakutsk on a small two-propeller aeroplane, which had a few dents but was basically ok. Arriving at about 1am we stayed in a hotel overnight and I got a bit ill from drinking a glass of milk - I didn't know that milk in Russia is generally not pasteurised. Anyway at around four in the morning we left the hotel and returned to the airport to get the second flight back to Moscow. We hung about in Moscow airport for a good few hours before getting our third flight back to Heathrow, London. This was VERY strange. I had pretty much geared myself up for returning to London only at the end of the four months, so seeing the Thames as we flew in at about 11pm felt like a dream. Stayed in another hotel near Heathrow and got up again at around 4am, back to the airport and caught a flight to Housten (America) that took around nine hours. This was actually the best bit of the journey because we had in-flight entertainment! Wheyy! So from Housten we ran through passport control and security and missed our second flight out to Mexico. Luckily there was another flight one and a half hours later that we did manage to get, having filled our spare time with eating pizza. This flight was about three hours long and dropped us in Mexico, which is my current location. I am writing this from the hotel we are staying in now for two nights before travelling out to the shoot location for the third challenge.
So that's basically the update.
Thoughts wise I've been pretty down the last couple of weeks for a number of reasons, mostly that someone who's support I valued massively is unable to speak to me now. Even though I have been with the other guys and crew I have not felt this alone in ages. I've basically just been wanting to come home - another reason stopping off in London was really difficult. However, there is literally nothing I can do about this from Siberia, Mexico or anywhere else so I'm just having to deal with it.
Hopefully things will feel better soon.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Training in the Sun
I've just got back from the morning's training near the royal palace in Madrid. Had a brilliant session with a few new things and also surprised myself generally with capability. It's nice to finally start feeling some reward for all the recent hard work.
New Things:
Front sumi on grass. This one's been bothering me for a while now but I've finally got it down on the un-sprung flat.
Improvement:
Precisions felt really nice today. Did some larger ones from a big block to a thin rail in particular. Also did a few standing jumps, clearing a bush onto a rail at right angles. This sort of thing would normally freak me out but today it just worked. I think it's simply down to the huge amount of balance work I've been doing since arriving here.
Old Things:
Back Tucks. They needed work, so I practiced them. Felt that they got a bit better but the whole tech needs breaking down really. Basically i'm not tucking tight enough but they still work.
So far a very good day for training. Still thinking about how I can film some of my recent activity. Weather is beautiful today, like summer in England, which always puts me in the mood for parkour and gymnastics. Something about the air today reminded me of when Matt and I used to go to the Quadrant all the time to train in the summer weekends.
New Things:
Front sumi on grass. This one's been bothering me for a while now but I've finally got it down on the un-sprung flat.
Improvement:
Precisions felt really nice today. Did some larger ones from a big block to a thin rail in particular. Also did a few standing jumps, clearing a bush onto a rail at right angles. This sort of thing would normally freak me out but today it just worked. I think it's simply down to the huge amount of balance work I've been doing since arriving here.
Old Things:
Back Tucks. They needed work, so I practiced them. Felt that they got a bit better but the whole tech needs breaking down really. Basically i'm not tucking tight enough but they still work.
So far a very good day for training. Still thinking about how I can film some of my recent activity. Weather is beautiful today, like summer in England, which always puts me in the mood for parkour and gymnastics. Something about the air today reminded me of when Matt and I used to go to the Quadrant all the time to train in the summer weekends.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Parkour Filming
I'm trying to think of a way that I can film some of the parkour here in Madrid and get a video up online...
There will be a gathering of Traceurs here on Saturday that I intend to attend. Hope to do some filming there too, but as before I have no way of getting the footage on here at the moment. I'll keep thinking.
Really have to start getting up earlier, we're all still on Ecuador-time really (about 5 or 6 hours behind) so it's time for some early nights. I tried to sleep early last night but couldn't get to sleep for laughter - some very funny conversations going on in our room last night and every time I thought I had drifted off I started laughing again. Will try again tonight.
There will be a gathering of Traceurs here on Saturday that I intend to attend. Hope to do some filming there too, but as before I have no way of getting the footage on here at the moment. I'll keep thinking.
Really have to start getting up earlier, we're all still on Ecuador-time really (about 5 or 6 hours behind) so it's time for some early nights. I tried to sleep early last night but couldn't get to sleep for laughter - some very funny conversations going on in our room last night and every time I thought I had drifted off I started laughing again. Will try again tonight.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friends and Home
Had a long conversation with a close friend yesterday about everything over the past two years and in particular how friends seem to have drifted apart and the love feels like it's gone. Since I've been away it's become so obvious to me how much these friends matter and how much I was upset when that part of my life disappeared. In a way I just got used to feeling this way, and accepted that this was the way it would be.
This summer will be different. I intend to bring our group back together to include absolutely everybody; friends, friends of friends, without discrimination. The park should be the center of this. I'm not sure how yet but I want all of us to love each other like we used to. It's very important.
In other news I'm trying to write a lot more of my script at the moment but I keep hitting a block. It feels like I'm stuck on the details. There are certain things I'm sure about but it's as if I need a point to start from.
By the way if you get the chance to see Valkyrie then it wouldn't be time wasted. Fantastic but a bit sombre as you'd expect. Cruise did good.
This summer will be different. I intend to bring our group back together to include absolutely everybody; friends, friends of friends, without discrimination. The park should be the center of this. I'm not sure how yet but I want all of us to love each other like we used to. It's very important.
In other news I'm trying to write a lot more of my script at the moment but I keep hitting a block. It feels like I'm stuck on the details. There are certain things I'm sure about but it's as if I need a point to start from.
By the way if you get the chance to see Valkyrie then it wouldn't be time wasted. Fantastic but a bit sombre as you'd expect. Cruise did good.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Photos
I would like to apologise for the complete lack of photos or graphics on this blog! We are not allowed cameras on this trip, which is strange for me, and means that it will probably remain quite bare until I am home.
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